What’s in a Year?

Time flies by at such a rapid clip, it’s often hard to pinpoint exactly what’s happened in a given year.

Sometimes, you want to forget things that’ve happened.

But there’re also plenty of moments that demand to be remembered.

And this past year has been chocked-full of both.

So, kittens.

It’s time for a 1990’s-esque flashback.

*Cue the wavy screen*

***

A year ago tomorrow, I was looking a hot mess and prepping for OutRaleigh, the LGBT Center of Raleigh‘s annual fundraising event. There’re pictures to prove how messy and sweaty and generally gross I looked, and how apparent it was that I’d gotten approximately twenty minutes of sleep prior to running around and orchestrating the KidsZone.

Little did I know that I’d meet a particular mister that crazy, rain-filled day. And that a year to the day that we met, we’d be leaving to start our lives in Los Angeles.

Between the time we made it official and now, we’ve gone through a lot.

We negotiated the ever-stressful process of merging households, but were pretty happy with the result.

We suffered through ridiculously long commutes to horrific jobs.

We realized how much said jobs and their respective stressors filtered into our lives and jeopardized our happiness.

We made the decision for me to leave my job.

We traveled across the country to escape, and to entertain crazy plans of one day moving to the West Coast.

We made it there and back again, all the stronger and happier.

We started making strides to realize those crazy plans, and endured a long, agonizing process of job-searching and waiting.

We made the decision to go for it, even though we had no idea if job prospects would pan out.

We slashed our plans down to dollars and cents to make it work.

We screamed and cried and repeatedly questioned if it was all worth it.

And then we screamed and cried when we realized it was.

***

With our remaining car packed to the gills, and Andy’s last day of work upon us, we’re camping out on the hardwood floors of our Raleigh apartment one last night before we start to truly follow our gay, man-infested destiny to the “left coast.”

It’s been a crazy ride, and it’s certain to have even crazier moments as we learn our way around a massive, expansive city. But we’re ready to learn, and eager to explore.

So, kittens. Hold on to your hats.

Because we’re just getting started.

File Under “Risky Business”

Tom Cruise terrifies me.

Tom Cruise in underwear is an even more disturbing mental image.

So this isn’t about paying homage to that 1983 classic movie that I have no interest in ever seeing. (Which says a lot, because I love movies.)

But ol’ Tomkins doesn’t have a monopoly on doing risky things.

We all have a few moments in our past that we think back to and muse, “What in the f*ck was I thinking?!”

Oftentimes, without the asterisk.

But playing through those same mental frames are moments of sheer bliss, of taking risks and them paying off. Because, very occasionally, big risks have an even bigger payoff.

Ever since following our gay, man-infested destiny to the West Coast last December, we resolved to make our move to California a reality.

Which has proven harder than I thought.

It’s one thing to say, “Hey, I want to move to the other side of the country,” and another thing entirely to actually make it happen.

But nearly five months later, it’s actually going to happen.

***

I’ve just successfully ripped away the last remnant of re-used bubble wrap to coat a particularly cherished piece of pottery when Andy calls.

He’s been in an all-day training session with his manager, and I know he’s coming back earlier than usual. Which, after a long day of going back and forth with our prospective LA apartment manager and packing, is a very welcomed break in our routine.

“Hey! Are you leaving?”

“I just resigned.”

“WHAT?”

Now, it’s not like he wasn’t going to resign in two days anyway. But I’m still surprised.

He tells me how it came up in conversation, and how he’d told his manager that he’d put in his official two weeks’ notice on Friday.

But the best part for me is hearing how uplifted he sounds. It reminds me of the freeing effects I’d experienced after my sparkly departure from my toxic job.

We chat for a few minutes, taking in the moment and realizing that this is the last big step before the actual move.

Then, the unexpected happens.

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“Honeywell is calling me.”

“OH, uh, SHIT, uh, GO!”

We hang up.

And I stand at the counter, where I’ve just pulled out vegetables and venison to make yet another cost-effective meal.

And wait.

And chop a bazillion carrots and broccoli crowns.

And start having my own conversation.

“What’s going on?!”

“It’s either a really good thing, or a really bad thing that it’s taking this long.”

I look at the clock. Two minutes have passed.

I haphazardly chop more vegetables.

Then, five minutes pass.

And the phone rings.

And I nearly cut off a finger.

I pick up.

“Hey?”

*Andy laughing hysterically*

“So?”

“I. Got. The. JOB!”

Kittens.

Let me just tell you.

After we both scream and talk and gush and scream and gush and hang up so he doesn’t buy it on I-40 Downtown Abbey style, I have an ugly, cathartic cry.

Like, slumping-against-and-inching-down-the-wall-into-a-sobby-heap-on-the-floor kind of cry.

Because, in that moment, all of his job-searching efforts over the past six months have paid off. Not only that, but barely ten minutes after putting in his notice at a job that’s sucked the life out of him, he hears from a job that’s already changed both of our lives.

A game-changing job.

A job that translates to so many more opportunities.

A job that means we’ll now have a much more solid base on which to build our lives in California.

A job where he is respected as an equal among his heterosexual coworkers, and reaps the same benefits.

A job that means all of the “eventually’s” may be in our near future rather than “one day.”

So, we celebrate. In our favorite way.

Celebrating with carbs!

And reflect on this whole experience.

French fries help.

And smile.

Beyond thrilled. Beyond exhausted.

***

This has been one of the most stressful processes of my entire life. And I know Andy feels the same way.

It’s been fraught with minor triumphs and massive setbacks. It’s challenged us to change and adapt, and lean more heavily on one another.

It’s shown us that taking the road less traveled isn’t a skip through the woods. It’s a long, tiring, draining process that can wear your nerves raw.

But it can also teach you so much about yourself.

We’ve grown so much.

Scrimped and saved.

Overcome obstacles.

Cried.

Dreamed.

And learned to let go.

Now, as we find ourselves looking back, we know that taking big, terrifying risks in pursuit of a happier life can pay off.

California-bound!

That whatever hiccups we may experience along the way can be overcome.

As long as we believe in ourselves.

Space: The Final Hair-Pulling Frontier

Yes, I fully admit that I have some Trekkie in me.

And I’ve definitely been channeling Spockisms as Andy and I navigate the ever-exhausting process of relocating to LA.

You know, live long and prosper and Luke, I am your father.

Wait.

Lately, though, I’ve been mixing my frustrations with a wee bit of something else. Just to take the edge off.

No, not Grey Goose.

Positivity.

Positivity is abso-friggin-lutely crucial. Because, as we all know, negativity leads to Revolutionary Road endings.

*Shudders*

Regardless of the highs and lows of this emotional roller coaster ride, I’m so insanely excited to start a new chapter. And while it’s scary to move, the whole pill is easier to swallow with someone by your side.

After all, in this quest to embrace what really makes us happy and develop it into something sustainable, we’re going to go at it full-force–holding onto any jobs we’re able to land and use them as vehicles to get to the next phase of our lives together. And while naysayers or skeptics may think we’re irresponsible or unrealistic, I find myself not caring.

Because this journey is ours to take.

And I hardly think we could ruin our 20-some years of life by exploring a road to happiness.

Plus, we have to do this. Because, as a good friend advised, each of us has to assess how happy we are with three of the big things in life: (1) Partner; (2) Job; (3) Location. And, as she said, “If you’re unhappy with two of these three things, you need to try something else.”

As it just so happens, both of us are tired of the latter two. (Although I probably drive him to think about 1 every now and then. No? Good answer, babe.)

So why not try something new? Something we want to do?

***

While the past few weeks have been excessively exhausting, we’ve learned a lot, and have gotten closer. That’s what experiences do: test your resolve to keep going forward. And, to quote Susan Sarandon in Elizabethtown (again), “All forward motion counts.”

So, as I pull things out of closets, and we reassess how much we really like that chair, or decanter, or set of dishware, we’re becoming much more adept at identifying what it is that we want to define us: not stuff, per say; rather, experiences that bring us together and help us realize how little we need to be happy.

Shipping out the stuff!

And realizing that, in a month’s time, we’re going to be back in California.

California is where we want to be.

At this point, just getting there is a victory. Because we’re doing something important: we’re forging a path set out by no one but us. And, after all of our efforts, “the only real failure would be to stay.”

(Our friend is very wise.)

***

Speaking of being victorious by the mere fact of getting out to LA, let’s talk a bit about space–that nebulous thing that separates this dynamic duo from the West Coast.

Now, I’ve always been fascinated by space and our relation to it. (A fascination that was only fueled by MA thesis research, and reading books like Space and Place by Yi-Fu Tuan, and other lovely things by Tim Ingold.)

So, as we manage downsizing from our massive Raleigh apartment to an LA studio, I’m finding it interesting how we compartmentalize space, and the significance we map onto it once it’s bounded by four walls and a roof.

I mean, really, differences in space are slight, and may only be distinguishable by being coated with pollen or decorated with an Eames lounger.

The arbitrary demarcation of space.

It’s all about what we read into spaces, and how we relate to them. So if we interpret space as not ever being ours to bound and populate, then maybe the best way to respect it is to re-tune our materialistic consciousness away from overburdening space with stuff, and practicing austerity.

You know, keep it simple.

Which is why I’ve become more of a fan of modernist design.

Anyway, I just find it interesting how attached we become to space–something we can’t even touch, but can only describe through feelings we have while navigating through it.

And our responses to it being emptied–unshackled from all of the stuff we pack into it.

And acknowledging, like Andy, that leaving a space is “sort of like a mourning process.”

That, despite our excitement, we’re still mourning the loss of the space’s significance in our lives.

Like the balcony where I pretended to be casually sweeping while waiting for Andy to arrive for our first date.

Like the stairs where he hesitated before walking up to meet me.

Like the rooms he’d later pepper with Mid-Century Modern furniture–once we pinpointed his style aesthetic through antiquing excursions.

Like laying on our bed to share a quiet, reflective moment after we were accosted and called “faggots” by a group of bubbas.

This is the first place we’ve lived together.

The first place we’ve made our own.

The first place I will truly miss.

***

But then, there’re moments of clarity.

Like when I was sitting, running my fingers through Andy’s hair, and suddenly realized that the stuff and space we’d been trying to craft our move around shouldn’t be the foci.

We have to focus on living our lives.

Being true to our feelings.

Encouraging one another.

Learning.

Doing it all in a new space and enjoying the ride.

Knowing deep down that, as my dear friend Norman wrote, we “can work out most anything…even overcooked eggs.”

Knowing that we can always eat around the burned parts and still be nourished.

And keep going.

Recession Rubric for Recouped Rubels

Alright, so I absolutely adore alliteration.

Almost as much as I love coffee.

Speaking of coffee. As I was grinding a bag of coffee beans with my great-grandparents’ cast iron mortar and pestle this morning, I started thinking about all of the cost-saving measures Andy and I have implemented since my foray into unemployment.

Grind that coffee! Work those muscles!

(Like, say, salvaging the cast iron mortar and pestle instead of buying a new one.)

And since I’m a giver, I’ve decided to gift you with a short list of how you can cut costs, too. Even if you’re employed. (Show off.)

(1) Cull the Fat.

Y’all may remember that, immediately after our cross country road trip, we culled the bejesus out of our apartment.

(With a little help from Grey Goose.)

We ended up pulling out so much stuff that we devoted two weekends, and a few weekdays, to shedding it. But you know what? Having our apartment in complete disarray was worth the outcome: a lighter, brighter apartment. Which got its face-lift right before its second feature on Apartment Therapy.

(2) Cull More.

Right when you think you’ve gone through every closet, combed through all of your books, you realize that, while beautiful, you don’t really use that vase.

Cull, cull, cull. (Except that vase of cars, and that fabulous green bowl.)

And those piles of books you’ve been wanting to read for years should go to people who will actually enjoy them. And yes, even though you like a drink on occasion, you don’t need all of those glasses. Keep it simple.

(3) The Great Pantry Cleanse.

No, this doesn’t involve copious amounts of paprika and prune juice. But I do recommend doing this while humming or playing Eminem’s “Cleanin’ Out My Closet.” Just because.

We all have that partially used bottle of soy sauce for that stir fry we made last year (what?), or those dried beans that should really be cooked instead of sitting in that cool pottery canister.

Clean out that pantry!

And don’t get me started on what’s in the freezer–the vegetables you couldn’t eat but refused to throw away, the 10 or so pounds of venison from Alabama. You know, the usual stuff.

Well, kittens. It’s time to get your creative juices flowing. Because it’ll surprise you how long you can last on what you have in your house. Sure, you may have to run to the store for one random ingredient. But you’ll be amazed at how awesome the stuff that’s been sitting around can taste with a bit more effort than what you usually cook.

By the time I took stock of everything we had, I realized we were totally prepared in case of a zombie apocalypse. Sure, tangerine-chocolate-chip cake isn’t the healthiest alternative, but it’s better than the brains I’d crave after getting mauled by a zombified Harris Teeter cashier.

(4) Wear Your Heart (and Everything) In Your Favorite Sleeves. 

Yes, this doesn’t really make sense. But you get the gist: wear what you love and get rid of the rest. I’ve read several articles about culling stuff, mostly because I find it fascinating how far we’ll go to justify what stays and what goes. Especially when it comes to clothes. (Especially bonafide or poseurish clubbin’ clothes. FYI, you’re too old for that shit.)

But one of the best articles detailed a month-long experiment that went something like this: after you wear an article of clothing, turn its hanger around; then, at the end of the month, get rid of everything on the un-turned hangers. (Unless it’s that really expensive job interview outfit.)

Rinse and repeat Steps 1-4 until desired results are achieved.

***

Now, this isn’t an exhaustive list. But as Andy and I figure out our next steps, and become increasingly envious of those who can move everything they have in a 14-foot rental truck, we’re glad to have these mad skills under our belts. Because, regardless of where we end up or how much money we make, we’re still going to implement these lessons.

Why not?

Sometimes a simpler life is the way to go.

Because as amazingly bright as our material possessions shine, they can never trump the glow we get from unshackling ourselves from the past to take steps toward a lighter future.

From realizing how little we need to carry on our journey.

A Gay, Man-infested Destiny: There and Back

You know how I was adamant that I was going to chronicle every bit of our cross country road trip in painful detail?

Epic fail.

Granted, some stuff has gone down since then.

Still.

In an attempt to make amends with my slighted conscience, I’ll provide a ridiculous synopsis of everything else after Oklahoma.

***

So, when we last left our heroes, we’d just left our friend Amanda in Oklahoma and were en route to Vegas, with stop offs in New Mexico and Arizona.

We passed a lot of abandoned farms.

One of a bazillion abandoned farms just outside of OK.

Floored it past weird, Jesus-centric places.

Fill up on gas and THE LORD, YOU HEATHENS! And settled into the music, as alien landscapes whizzed by.

Desolation all around.

And then we passed into New Mexico.

With snow on the ground. *Facepalm*

Then we got lost in Albuquerque, because my “familiarity” with the city–having been there once before–landed us in a neighborhood of boarded-up houses and bail bond offices.
We disregarded all red lights, defaulted to our “Whole Foods” GPS input, and ended the day with super hot Mexican food at a local haunt near our non-sketchy hotel.   
Hot, spicy Mexican food. Mmmmm.
The next morning, we set our sights on Arizona, the Grand Canyon specifically. Because, even though it wasn’t on our official route, we figured it was sort of dumb to skip over something so monumental. Even if it might be cold. 
For whatever reason, I assumed that, after Oklahoma, it was going to be, like, hot. But, no.
Why soooo cold, Arizona?!
More snow. Hooray!
But we soldiered on.
Made it to the Grand Canyon. 
Foiled!
Where I realized that (1) The money was worth it; (2) NEVER wear converse-like shoes at the Grand Canyon when it’s 20 degrees. Especially if you have a circulatory disease; and (3) I’m even more of an acrophobe than I thought.
The Grand Canyon is most definitely grand.
By the time we got back to the car, I couldn’t feel by hands, feet, nose, or lips. And we watched as the temperature dropped precipitously thereafter. 
Really, Grand Canyon? Twelve degrees?!
After a slight directional miscalculation, we got back on track. 
And Andy occupied my attention as we passed over the Hoover Dam, so that I didn’t scream and cry about how we’d careen off to our deaths. 
Before long, we saw the lights.
The blinking, blurry Vegas skyline.
Chattered about what Vegas would surely be like.
Finally found our hotel.
Luxor-weirdness.
Figured we’d get food poisoning from the horrible casino food.
Spent no money at the slot machines.
And witnessed horrific parenting at midnight. 

 ***

After we realized it took approximately five hours to get coffee at the casino Starbucks, we left Vegas in our wake.

Our Luxor-ious accommodations. Meh.

Snapshots on the way out.Even though my hair wasn’t done.

Sin City has this effect on hair.

Sacrifices. 
But we had one of the two key destinations immediately ahead: San Francisco. 
So we prepped for another crazy-long day.
Instagram while driving! YAY! *Never do this*
And stopped at a weird rest area. Which smelled like a port-a-john on a subway.
I think that raven was waiting for us to die of the stench.
And then we encountered the first sign that we were closing in on California: a fruit checkpoint.
I panicked.
We had oranges in the bottom of our cooler.
We’d be sent to jail.
I’d be frisked.
I’d never see San Francisco.
So, as we slowly entered into a traffic line, we tried to formulate a plan.
“WHAT DO WE DO?! Throw the oranges out of the car now!”
“No. Just don’t tell them we have them.”
“They won’t believe me! We’re from out of state. The cooler is on the backseat! I’m southern!”
“Just don’t confess.”
With a few beads of sweat trickling between my eyebrows, I rolled the window down, greeted the guard, slathered my language with “y’all’s” and the twangiest Bama accent I could muster, and disavowed all knowledge of alien fruit.
She eyed the cooler on the backseat, and I reconsidered blurting out, “Don’t worry, it’s just hearts! Delicious hearts.”
We passed through, and I found the nearest gas station to dispose of our perfectly good oranges.
“Why are you doing this? We’re fine.”
But when Andy went inside, I pumped the gas, looked around, shielded the bag of oranges under my coat, and dumped them with little fanfare into the nearest trash receptacle. A morbidly obese child in a neighboring van stared at me, and I stared daggers back at him until he looked away.
And then we left.

***

The California countryside took my breath away. It looked like A Walk In the Clouds took a dump everywhere. 
The CA countryside.
Every single time we looked around, we were struck by how vast and beautiful and oddly empty the landscape happened to be. 
But soon, the windy roads gave way to freeways, and traffic picked up.
And we began feeling San Francisco closing in.
Feeling the San Francisco vibe.
Then, boom. We got into downtown. 
And, whoa.
We found out hotel.
And we screamed with joy.
When we got inside, the receptionist apologized that our room wasn’t ready, and asked if we’d be happy in an upgraded corner room with a view out toward Union Square.
A-MAZING view to downtown San Francisco.
“Why, yes. Yes, I think we can manage.” 
After we got settled and Andy kept saying how amazingly dead-on my friend had been when she’d recommended this place, we listened to our stomachs.
So, we grabbed a cab, and headed to the one place we both knew we wanted to see.
The Castro. The perfect place to spend our first evening.
Had amazing drinks.
Sweet Tart martinis at Fork. Um, yes.
Ate ridiculously good food.
So delicious. And the food ain't bad, either. Ba dah bah!
And then made it back to the hotel, where we continued Andy’s tradition of watching Christmas movies, including Miracle on 34th Street (which, to his horror, I’d never seen). 
Bringing the evening to a close with a classic.
Then, for the first time in several days, we were able to sleep in, and revel in the fact that we didn’t have to repack the car the next morning.
The morning after.
And could have a more sizable breakfast than Starbucks scones and coffee.
Crepes and fruit. Mmmm.
So, we spent our time traipsing around San Francisco, seeing plenty of great things.
Like its LGBT Center.
San Francisco LGBT Center
Its great neighborhoods.
San Francisco architectural gems.
Gay, old landmarks.
Gay, old landmarks.
Amazing restaurants.
Olea's sinfully good French toast.
Its architecture.
Chinatown, San Francisco
And so, so much more.
Couldn't beat a rainbow in San Francisco. Much less the double rainbow we saw later that day.
After a bazillion photos and countless “selfie” style “portraits” of us at so many wonderful places–City Light Bookstore, Twin Peaks, throughout Chinatown, at the top of Lombard Street–we packed it in, and set our GPS for Los Angeles. 

***

Now, as we entered LA, I fully prepared myself for the worst. Because so many people said it was horrible in comparison to San Francisco and San Diego.
So, I stupidly let that cloud my initial judgment, and contribute to a little grumpy mood. (Which wasn’t helped by the fact that our “Standard” digs seemed like a substandard Hot Topic explosion.) 
But then we made it to a restaurant where the sangria flowed and things settled down.
And it didn’t hurt that our hotel valet ended up being a hot silver fox from North Carolina.

***

The next day, we found a Whole Foods, where I’m pretty sure I saw Jake Gyllenhaal.

Then, we started patrolling neighborhoods, driving through Beverly Hills, and getting lost in Koreatown.
Eventually, we started targeting antique shops, and got out in one neighborhood in West Hollywood to stretch our legs.
The architecture was amazing.
Which was why we were looking up when we ran into a group of people leaving a corner coffee shop.
And when I looked down to see whose coffee I nearly spilled, I settled on an oddly familiar face.
It was Sandra Oh.
After we passed through the crowd, muttering apologies as we went, we turned the corner and I exploded.
“OH MAH GAWD, THAT WAS SANDRA OH!”
“Who?”
“SANDRA OHhhhhhh.” As if yelling it louder was going to help.
I figured that if I did see any celebrity, I’d just be like, “Oh, there’s so-and-so. They’re shorter in real life.”
Instead, I started talking about moving to the neighborhood, becoming neighbors with Sandra Oh, and referring to her as Sandra Oh every single time we decided to do something together.
Like, when we’d host a backyard barbecue.
“Sandra Oh and I are going to get pineapple for the kabobs.”
We’d become best friends. And I’d laugh with her and say things like, “Oh, Sandra Oh. Pass the goddamned sangria.”
Where we bumped into Sandra Oh.
Andy tolerated my musings while we perused a used bookstore soon after our encounter of the Oh kind.
And then we were off again.
We spent the next few days walking around neighborhoods, going to antique shops, and snapping photos of potential digs should we end up on the west coast.
One of a billion photos of random apartment buildings.
 Flea marketing in LA!
And then settled into our hotel for Christmas Eve. 
But then we realized that Les Miserables was opening Christmas Day.
We were in LA. On Christmas. When Les Miserables came out. 
Of course we were going.

***

So, the next day, we got changed, figured out where to go, and planned a double feature of Les Mis and The Hobbit. After we paid our exorbitant fees for tickets and reserved our seats (people in LA are serious about this, y’all), we got some super cheap concessions and turned to go into the theater.
And that’s when I saw two familiar faces.
Brad Goreski, and his partner, writer Gary Janetti.
I nearly peed myself.
And freaked out to Andy as quietly as possible as we walked into the theater.
Then, I Facebooked about it.
And then Brad walked past me, and he was wearing sequinned shoes.
And I remembered from their TV show how important Les Mis was to their first date.
And I thought, “Wow.”
Just, wow.
Anyway, it was awesome.
As was Les Mis.
After the movie, we went to validate our parking, got turned around, and ended up back downstairs. And who happened to be standing right beside Andy–who, again, didn’t notice!–but Brad, Gary, and their entourage. Andy bent down to tie his shoe, and I told him, through clenched teeth, “That’s them.”
“What?”
“ThatzBradandGary.”
“Who?”
*Facepalm*
We got a few feet away before he realized what I was saying. And he worried the rest of the evening that he’d accidentally mooned them. And I thought, “Thank goodness I looked halfway decent.”

***

Between the time Les Mis ended and The Hobbit began, we ran to Malibu, walked along the shore, and took in the sunset.
Christmas 2012, Malibu.
And what a day it’d been. 
Cold, but happy. X-mas 2012 in Malibu.By the time we got back, our stomachs were grumbling, but we had The Hobbit to see. (Contrary to popular opinion, one cannot survive off of Sour Patch Kids alone.)
So, as I nursed a food-induced migraine and wondered when in the hell the goddamned hobbit was going to get to the end of his journey, I dreamt about Chinese food.
Which we made a bee-line for immediately after the egregiously long movie ended.
So, at about 11:30 Christmas evening, we scored amazing takeout in Chinatown.

Merry X-mas, 2012!

And barely spoke to one another as we inhaled it. 
Reflected on the day.
And passed out.

***

And then the journey home began. I’d pepper this with more landscape shots and musings, but the bulk of the return journey consisted of us figuring out how to move out to California.
How much stuff we’d have to shed to do so.
How we’d made it across the country so quickly.
And how we already had to circle back.
We did make a few intentional stops, one being the Oklahoma City Memorial.
OKC Memorial, 2012.
To write that it was sobering would be a vast understatement. 

***

With the cold wind at our backs, we pushed back to NC from our very amazing, most excellent journey. And while we each had our own favorite moments, I found comfort in the fact that we experienced it all together.
And, back!
Through it all, regardless of tiffs here and there, we made it.
Together.
There and back again. 

A Gay, Man-infested Destiny: The First Leg, NC to AL

The trip's first leg, NC to AL

Do you ever have moments while driving when the music’s just right and you think, Wow, this is just like a movie sequence?

Alright. Maybe I watch too many movies, and bitterly know that I’ll never be in one. So instead of stardom, I just inflate those moments and revel in a kind of narcissistic, starlet-centric projection.

Hey, at least I’m honest. 

Regardless, there were so many moments like that during the course of our trip that I thought it was all a dream. Like I’d wake up and still be stuck in my horrible basement apartment from several years’ past, smacking roaches with rolled up Cottage Living and scrubbing off my bedroom closet wall’s black mold with equal parts Clorox and tears.

Thankfully, it was more dream-like than nightmarish.

Packed and ready (and freezing)!

Still, since we both have extreme commutes, it took us a minute to realize that, no, this isn’t another drive to the office.

But when we passed the exit Andy normally takes for work, it started to hit us: We’re really doing this.

It was high time for an adventure of the Thelma & Louise sort. Minus the whole murder-suicide bit. (Although I would’ve shot that barfly bastard, too.)

It was time to rediscover and unlock those neglected parts of our personalities through roadside experiences, local food, good and horrible hotels, scenic vistas, exhaustion-induced spats, the warming sun. Dust them off. Rejuvenate them.  

So we set the tone with Brandi Carlile’s hauntingly beautiful voice.

Because, really, when your hands are numbed by a random cold snap, you’re excited, sleep-deprived mind can only think about coffee, and a plane ride back to Raleigh from a business trip leaves you exhausted, Brandi is your only recourse.

Only she can knock that frost off your hands, get you through a few miles before the coffee sets in, and soothe you to sleep. (Well, maybe not the driver.)

We add a few Neko Case songs to the playlist for good measure.

Ready.

Set.

Go! 

***

By the time we get down to Atlanta, the sun is setting beyond the gridlocked traffic. So we occupy our time entertaining thoughts about what we’ll do if Rick Grimes sidles up next to us on that poor, doomed Clydesdale, warning us that “Atlanta belongs to the dead now.”

*Creepy silence*

Alright, so I should probably cut back on The Walking Dead. (Still, there could be much more worse looking zombie-killers, right? Right.)

As we wind our way through the rest of Georgia and cross the Chattahoochee into Alabama, I clarify where exactly my parents live.

“Basically in the middle of nowhere. Partially underground.”

Meh, clarity is overrated. Before long, we turn onto county roads, then onto back country roads. I slow at the unimposing mailbox and pull onto the gravel access road. 

***

“Here we are!”

Wow. Okay. This is a little creepy.”

Tammy the Prius at the edge of darkness...

“Oh, it’s not that scary, ” I reassure, walking into the surrounding darkness, rattling padlock chains against the metal access gate.

Andy inches closer to the open car door. 

Tammy the Prius putters down the narrow, mile-long road. On either side: dark woods. Above: a beautifully clear night sky studded with stars. 

Along the way, I point out the family dog’s grave and a historic house site, then motion down the road to a partially illuminated hillside.

The hobbit hole

“There it is.”

 ***

We pull up to the stone and glass façade and are soon greeted by my parents and Petey, the hyperactive Jack Russell (then again, “hyperactive Jack Russell” is redundant).  

Petey, the Cujo wannabe

My parents usher us and our ridiculously overpacked luggage inside (hey, we really needed ten pairs of shoes between us). After the requisite reunion with my feathery brother–the every curmudgeonly 25 year-old African Grey, Scooby–we give Andy the tour of the hobbit house before settling in for the night. 

My human sister and feathery brother...

It may have been the driving. But I think it was the unfamiliar pitch black silence replacing the usual ambient streetlight-fratastic ruckus that drove me into a deep sleep.

So sleepy

***

Waking up to sweet potato muffins and pancakes the next morning reminds me how lucky I am to have the family I do.

Sweet potato muffiny goodness

As does hiking with my sister, talking about life and the future, all the while crunching leaves and branches under our feet on the way down to the creek.

The creek...so calming

About an hour or so later, we walk back in and find our dad watching The Walking Dead Season One finale. 

“Wait, didn’t you start watching that before we left?”

“Well, yeah, but this damn TV is busted, so I had to watch the whole disc to get to the last episode.”

“Ah.”

Nothing says bonding like The Walking Dead

He turns back around, hunches toward the TV, and continues watching, letting loose the occasional “Ewwgah!” as Andy and I prep to leave for my hometown, Opelika. 

***

Conjuring stories from my childhood and teen years while driving past my parents’ former historic home, and through a newly revitalized downtown, makes me nostalgic for the little things that made my childhood exactly that. But most of the stores I remember have long since moved, the streets have been reoriented, and the town where I grew up has an even more foreign air to it than when I visited during graduate school. Still, I watch Andy take in the places I cherish and dovetail them with our personal history, gaining a greater understanding of where I come from and how I’ve changed.

And I do the same thing as we peruse an antique mall, pick up things, assess their appeal, and, in most cases, laugh before putting them back.

Over dinner that night, the family eats well, drinks fully, and reminisces about past times and future times, exuding a certain glow—one that’s a mixture of pride and longing.

Alabama hospitality

In the morning, syrup-soaked French toast and black coffee fuels us to continue our trek. (After family photos, of course.)

The travelers and my lovely sis...

The Mirarchi Clan!

And then my hometown becomes a check off the list as we head to Little Rock.

But not before we log away more memories–to push us on when we get frustrated and wonder why in the hell we ever thought this was a good idea.

While delicious, heavy carbs can only fuel you so far when you tire at the wheel. New memories, though, are like jolts of caffeine. Reminding us that this is what it’s all about: figuring out this crazy life on our own terms.

And reveling in the journey.